Why Are So Many Men Secret Submissives?

As a switchy professional companion, I'm shocked by the amount of supposedly vanilla men who reveal their interest in femdom scenes yet aren't willing to book an actual dominatrix. I represent the approachable, less sinister domme because I offer full service and pro-sub sessions. Full service is also seen as submissive so I couldn't possible be a "true" dominatrix, in their eyes. Therefore, I'm less intimidating but still the right amount of intimidating to be hot.

Let's examine why so many of my clients seek me out for femdom play and why I think this is an increasingly popular kink.

You get the idea.

Riding a Mechanical Bull in Tijuana at 3AM

From my observation, an increasing number of vanilla men are transitioning to the dark side, thinking about powerplay and losing control to a woman. I used to hide my kinky side because I worried it would scare the vanillas but I was wrong. They're intrigued. Even guys who truly are vanilla and aren't interested in my domming them are attracted to the fact that I have a dominant side because they see it as passionate. Fiery.

"She's a lioness and will ride my face and dick like she's riding a mechanical bull in Tijuana at 3AM while high on coke." They associate dominance with strength and passion, which is attractive to many vanilla guys but they're not into actual pain or loss of much control. (Maybe a little.)

I just bought these nails for a photoshoot. Too dark and dommy?

A Bit Dark and Dommy

Why don't more clients book me for submissive sessions when I clearly advertise the fact that I do enjoy subbing? Pro-subbing is more dangerous and therefore far fewer providers feel comfortable offering these services so you'd think that a lot of my clients would be Daddy doms. Nope, I have only had a handful of clients who see me for pro-sub sessions. This is possibly because my branding is a bit dark and dommy, scaring away the dom dudes who think submissive companions can't also play around with domme aesthetics.

It's still fascinating to me how, over the years, my clientele has shifted to include many men who enjoy sexually dominant women. In the past, all my clients but a few were vanilla. I had a few admirers who sought me out for dominatrix activities but not many.

My admirers' ideas about femdom may be as as simple as them wanting their partners to have a dominant, confident attitude. I had a client book me who wanted me to somewhat hypnotize him and, although sexual things were happening, the arousal he felt was due to the attitude I embodied and the words I was saying. He loved it when I told him, "You'll always be mine. You can't resist me," repeatedly for hours and commanded him to reach climax. This isn't being a dominatrix but there's a very dominant element to it.

It's very common today to see providers who advertise as playing both the domme and the companion. This wasn't something I saw even just 7 years ago. I think this is possibly due to the mainstreaming of BDSM since the beginning of the early 2000s. Harnesses became mainstream clothing items cira 2016 so kids in their 20s literally grew up with BDSM fashion. High end designers are creating BDSM inspired lines. The MET gala features celebrities showing up in fetish gear and it's a kinky brand new world.

Mommy Domme wasn't even a thing in 2004. My, look how times have changed.

But Why?

Why has BDSM gone mainstream? Porn. Technology brought us photography, digital images and now we're bored with vanilla experiences because most of us have been overexposed to them. We grow up being exposed to dirty magazines and now porn, expanding our sexual appetites. If there's a specific kink we're drawn to, we may discover more related kinks after doing a few google searches. The internet has helped to open, excite and sexualize our minds and I haven't yet decided if this is a good thing. (Probably not) It is good that sex is a less taboo topic today and we're a tiny bit more liberal about it than we were 50 years ago. This also helps people feel more comfortable when it comes to experimenting with BDSM.

Additionally, gender norms have evolved and men are able to express their submissive side more freely. There's less judgement in general regarding folks who don't fit strictly into traditional ideas about how masculinity and femininity should be expressed. The gender binary is changing and less women feel that they have to play submissive constantly. It's freeing for folks to toy with gender and sexuality, playing with different personas and experiences.

Many men still feel immense pressure when it comes to the "masculine" role predetermined by societal norms. They feel as though they must be the breadwinner and dominate in their chosen field or they aren't "good enough" men. This ultimately leads to a feeling of lack. Seeking fulfillment via money and superficial status will never bring us true happiness. No matter what they do, they strive continually and feel as if something is forever missing until they fall into my loving yet powerful arms.

They feel truly at rest, at home for the first time ever when they can relinquish a bit of control while still remaining in control during a consensual situation.

Rose plays the dominatrix, the submissive and the girlfriend. Rawr.

I'm so grateful I came out of the kinky provider closet and now have admirers of all types, fulfilling all my absolutely depraved sexual appetites. It's so fun to switch between different headspaces and embody different personas. It's especially fun introducing new admirers to submission because I am, in a sense, molding them and allowing them to open up for the first time sexually. It takes a great deal of trust for a person to let go of control so it's a huge compliment when an admirer chooses me to guide them as a domme.

Like my blog? Please don't forget to comment on my Bluesky post promoting it! I'm so grateful for those of you who support me! I'm visiting Albany and Hartford soon and am (hopefully) planning a tour to Baltimore/DC, Richmond, VA and possibly the Carolinas to email me roseblazebby@proton.me if you're interested in feeling my smoldering touch.