Etiquette for Clients: How to Make Providers Fall in Lust
"I showered before I got here. I really don't need another shower."
These are the famous last words of every human male entity who's left skid marks on a provider's sheets.
Yes, before I began requiring that all my clients shower at my incall, a few left doo doo stains on my sheets. When my incall is a hotel, it is a huge hassle to get the sheets changed and could possibly put me on the hotel's "She might be a SW!" radar.
This is a problem.
The other problem is that the system we live under doesn't teach some men how to be full humans. Authors like bell hooks explain how these system harm men (and women) by engaging them in a perpetual system of violence and domination that doesn't allow many men to be vulnerable or learn emotional intelligence/awareness. Many simply aren't aware that their hygiene matters and that caring about the comfort of the person they're intimate with matters. Certain guys may struggle when it comes to relating to women or providers, and I'm so grateful for those of you who are curious and here to learn with an open mind.
Let me be clear: My admirers are, for the most part, extremely respectful, generous and have done their research when it comes to seeing providers. They tell me that they've read blogs like mine and are generally very emotionally intelligent and self aware.
That said, some admirers need help when it comes to respectfully engaging with providers and I hope someone will find this information useful. My clients are men (aside from a provider who booked me) so that's why I'm referring to them as men.
Bedroom technique does not make a provider fall in lust. That helps, of course, but an admirer who shows respect for me as a human person and values my energy/time will linger in my brain much longer than one who simply focuses on sex. I'll look forward to seeing him again and maybe, if he's lucky, he'll receive the VIP treatment next time he sees me.
Skid Mark Row
Stinky, doo doo butt clients aren't consciously aware that their behaviors and odors are pushing their romantic partners away from them. I have had very cute, sweet, educated guys see me who simply were never taught how to have proper hygiene and after years of suffering sucio (dirty) booties in silence, I've decided to write a blog mothering the lost boys of the world who need a little help learning how to be human.
A man recently arrived at my incall with capped delts, huge traps and an utterly muscular physique from his years of training. He is jacked, does martial arts and frequently trains guys so he thought it was funny when I told him prior to our early morning meeting that, no matter what, he must shower at my incall.
"I have my face up in other dudes' junk a lot when training martial arts and yes, men don't know how to wash their asses. I get it," he informed me. He also told me he was thinking of writing up a little blog or something for his gym so the men could learn about proper hygiene. Of course, when we're discussing these issues, we're referring to many and not all men.
Why do so many men neglect their butthole when washing? Is it partially because they believe that touching their butts makes them "gay" and therefore not a "man"?
Guys, please take your hand, put soap on it, lather said soap between your hands and rub this lather allllll around your dump truck. Get up in between your butt cheeks/azzhole and rinse, then lather and repeat. Do the same with your twig n berries.
Do not put your worn underwear back on after washing your keister and eggplant because that scent will transfer from your worn underwear onto your dick. No one want to put their mouth near a dick that smells like urine and funk.
A client surprised me mid-massage with his request for prostate play and I don't do prostate play due to my long nails but I told him I could play around with his tushy if he so desired. He had taken a shower at my incall and I assumed he knew how to wash himself but, alas, I was wrong. He clearly didn't wash thoroughly with soap in-between his cheeks because honey, the odor was odoring and I still have PTSD flashbacks from that session because he not only blindsided me with a butt play request but also clearly didn't know how to wash himself.
Clients always claim they took a shower "before seeing me" but some manage to leave skid marks on my sheets because they poop after they shower or showered a few hours prior. Even just sweating for thirty minutes on a drive to a provider means a guy's folds/genitals could stink. Some men aren't trained to be aware of how they must taste or smell so in their minds, they are "clean."
Trust me, there's a reason why most providers require that, no matter what, clients must shower in our presence.
No, not all men, but enough.
It would be remiss of me to not mention the fact that many folks prefer washing their butts with a washcloth. Personally, I don't think that the rag and soap technique is necessary if one does a thorough double lather/rinse cycle with their hands and soap. Please, discuss your thoughts in the comments on my Bluesky if you so desire.
Cleaning buttholes in preparation for pegging is a totally separate convo and not something I'm qualified to discuss because my poop shoot is a one way street. No entry. I don't have personal experience with cleaning my ass for Gr**k (or whatever) and have had shockingly good luck when it comes to the guys I've pegged because they were so clean.
Ask if Your Provider is Sensitive to Fragrance
Providers love it when our admirers ask us whether we're sensitive to fragrance because many of us are! I've only had one or two clients ask me, "Are you sensitive to fragrance?" and they were both in the medical profession so had more of an awareness that folks are increasingly intolerant regarding chemical fragrance. I love essential oils but any soap, shampoo, deodorant or cologne containing "fragrance" (and all colognes contain fragrance) are full of endocrine disrupting chemicals. Humans should naturally have an aversion to that which harms us, which is why so many folks can't stand fake scents.
Another positive result of requiring that my clients shower at my incall is that they wash off any cologne they doused themselves in. Maybe some folks don't mind the bitter and disgusting taste of cologne in their mouths when they're kissing their lover's neck but those of us who are sensitive will get very distracted by this sharp assault upon our palettes.
A very hygienic and handsome man booked me for an outcall and although I had a lot of fun with him, his cologne smell distracted me the entire time and rubbed off on my hair/clothing. Providers don't want to smell like our clients because we also have husbands, partners and lives we return to directly after seeing clients. He was very clean and had showered before our meeting (without putting his worn boxers back on) but the cologne smell was, as I said, very distracting. It's my bad for forgetting to tell my clients, "Don't wear cologne," so I am adding that to my copy-paste pre-session email.
The most memorable, mind blowing sessions I've had with my favorite admirers always involved a cologne free, stink free environment where we could focus on one another instead of artificial fragrance.
Compensate Providers for Their Labor (This Includes Emotional Labor/Emails/Texts)
In Albany, a one hour massage client began texting me after our session, asking me questions about myself which, in a civilian dating context, would be cute.
Unfortunately, providers don't have the time or energy to be the unpaid emotional containers some admirers seem to think we should be.
As I've previously discussed, I love connecting with generous friends who see me for extended sessions because the energetic output I give to these relationships is rewarding. It's rewarding when an admirer sees me as a person and wants to take me out on extended dates. As they pour into me, I pour into them. It's a law of the Universe that we can't have our cake and eat it too.
We get what we give.
I also find it very difficult to interact with someone and not form an emotional connection with them. Most of my admirers are awesome humans and I love talking to them.
I want to get to know my admirers.
I don't want to have my time/attention and energy wasted.
Clients who schedule short sessions and don't send gifts to providers will not get access to providers.
If this Albany guy had sent me gift, I'd be more inclined to chat with him because he would be investing in me instead of acting as though he was entitled to siphon my labor/energy. That gave me the ick, and now I'm forced to ignore his texts, which he'll possibly take personally because now he's up in his feels about not getting free emotional labor and sexy chatting with me.
Sigh.
It sucks when I have a genuine connection with an admirer during a session but he doesn't understand why I can't cross boundaries, and compensation for my energy/time/labor is a hard boundary for me.
If you as a client feel a special connection with a provider and want to chat outside of the time you're compensating them for, please *ask* what sort of an investment they'd require for this type of energetic expenditure.
It's a lot more fun when I get to see the admirers who invest in me (so we chat/email between sessions) because we've built a stronger bond by getting to know one another. Bespoke, artisanal, hand crafted, ultra luxe and super duper special texting sessions and pen pal experiences are fairly popular because the admirers who are drawn to me are usually highly intellectual, hot and sexy nerds who get off via a physical and emotional connection with me.
The fantasy I create with these VIP admirers is extremely erotic. We're living in the endless erotic ether, constructing new timelines, and imagining how delicious it will be when we meet again in the future. To be real, most men can't afford that type of experience with me.
So sad.
I'm currently playing my tiny violin just for them. 🥹
In summation (because I know I'm verbose): Tell providers, "Hi, I had a lot of fun with you and I'm wondering how much you'd require to chat in-between sessions or be penpals." Specify whether you're requesting erotic or non-sexual chats (or both) so we know what you enjoy.
Book a Consultation if You Have Questions
Someone who had subscribed to my blog for years contacted me in the past about setting up a session in St. Louis. When I finally ended up visiting, I got in touch with him and asked when he'd like to get together. He proceeded to ask me questions about my pubic hair and inquired about my feelings regarding butt plugs.
"I'd love to answer your questions! You can schedule a consultation here," I replied, and sent him the link to my Calendly. Of course, I never heard from him again and he never scheduled a consultation because he simply wanted to chat about my Divine ginger minge and butthole (AKA siphon my emotional/sexual labor) without compensating me. This is a common experience and those dudes are fuuuuucking losers. Loooooosers. I curse all men who contact sex workers in order to extract free attention/emotional labor/fantasy talk/JO material from us. Like, how broke are you? You don't have $100 for a consultation in which all your questions will be answered?
Eww.
A great way to get ghosted by a provider is to email them asking if they do x, y, or z. As hot people online, providers get tons of Fantasy Bookers who want to chat with us about feet (or whatever) and have no intention of booking a session. This is why many of our websites contain links that allow admirers to schedule a consultation in which they can ask about outfit requests and BDSM play. (Schedule a chat with me here.)
My consultations are extremely popular and I love hearing your voice before we meet. They're $100, with $50 going towards a client's deposit if they book within twenty-four hours of our chat. The admirers who see me can spare an extra $50 so requiring consultations (if a client has questions before a first session) hasn't cost me any bookings and has saved me tons of wasted time/energy going back and forth with Fantasy Bookers who want to hear about my pubes.
Don't Ask About Illegal Activities
Providers constantly discuss how much they despise booking inquiries that ask, "What's your menu?"
Yeah, because I'm an agency-less object, a restaurant with a menu and admirers are the main characters, ordering a dish and giving me, a breathing human, a lovely TER 1 out of 10 rating, like a piece of meat.
I don't respond to anyone who asks about a "menu" because it's giving broke.
It's giving... I am a cheap slobbyist who views providers as objects and I'm only interested in consuming them from every angle, in any way possible, with no thought about their humanity or pleasure.
The, "Do you do (insert illegal activity here)?" question usually accompanies the hobbyist menu question, which is why I bring it up.
Most admirers understand that I'm a provider and they don't need everything spelled out for them. They're classy, respectful folks and know what goes on during a session. They also know that having anything in writing that discusses illicit activities is very ill advised.
It doesn't matter if we think we're being slick by using slobbyist lingo like or abbreviations. Those phrases are known "sol1citation" phrases and can still get someone in trouble. LE can prove what those phrases are referring to and smart folks don't want a digital footprint detailing that sort of information.
Plan the Date, Daniel
A submissive client in New Haven asked me to find a restaurant for our date because he claimed he "wants to please" me.
It does not please me to research restaurants because that's work and I don't believe in work.
I am also not a big planner so I get along well with men who take initiative and plan our dates. My vibe is more whimsical, less planning, ya dig? Like, I do plan but I switch it up last minute based on vibrations. Researching restaurants is not my vibration.
It's a huge turn on when a guy has read my website, perused my socials and knows a bit about me. This will then allow him to easily pick a few restaurants I'd like. If you follow my Instagram, you'll see that I post tons of date ideas (and unhinged, weird stuff) to my stories. Many providers have very obvious personalities and interests that they showcase online and discerning admirers will easily be able to discover what we love.
Ask About Dietary Restrictions
It's so cute when an admirer brings me chocolate covered strawberries or sweets but I'm very sensitive to sugar and will feel horrible the if I eat anything sugary or processed. Sadly, pasta, rice, candy, and anything that isn't a whole food irritates and inflames my body due to a tick bite. This means I've had to throw away many delicious looking gifts.
Of course, I say, "Thank you!" instead of, "I can't eat this but I really wish I could and now you're torturing me!" because it's about his experience, not mine. I want him to feel like he did something nice by giving me the gift I'm going to immediately throw in the trash because it be like that sometimes.
In my opinion, it's wild to neglect to ask folks about dietary restrictions considering how prevalent chronic health conditions are. Additionally, many providers do SW because they are secretly disabled or deal with health conditions that would make existing in the normie world untenable to we're more likely to not be able to get away with eating shitty, sugary, and processed foods.
It's also helpful if admirers don't automatically assume that a provider drinks. I have alcohol on special occasions because of the inflammatory effects. Some providers don't drink at all. Please ask us regarding anything (like weed, alcohol, or gifts) that you may bring to the date. Those who ask are sexy as fuck.
Please do bring thoughtful gifts! They immediately lift my spirits and if you really hit the nail on the head regarding my special interests, you may see my cute, nerdy lover girl side unfurl in all her oddly seductive splendor.
Some of my favorite admirers are extremely skilled at finding cute foodie gifts for me. One recently brought me a delicious matcha powder that I keep on my prosperity altar and drink daily. Plants are some of my most cherished gifts because I saved my life with herbalism and am a green witch. Any plants/herbs you give me are offered up to my ancestors, sprinkled onto candles and loved! (Damn, if only I had a sexier, girly special interest like Pilates or baking bread.)
Don't Blindside Providers with Kink Requests
An admirer will have a shitty experience with me if they do not tell me in advance that they want to explore nonstandard play.
Where did they find me? In the esc0rt section, right?
Therefore, the many admirers who waited until we were back at the hotel to drop the "ummm I kinda want you to domme me" thing were sorely disappointed. I know this is breaking the fourth wall and I'm totally going to blow your minds here but: I am an actor.
If I am not provided with a script before we meet, an admirer is going to get the most half assed domme experience of their life and I'm still walking away with alllllll his money. Actually, that's my kink: Disappointing the men who disrespect me by blindsiding me with their kink requests.
Kink is a lot of work and, in my experience, vanilla sessions are much easier. Providers frequently upcharge for Kinky GFE sessions because of the intensive emotional and physical labor involved. Therefore, when admirers blindside me with their requests, they're going to have to pay not only my Kinky GFE higher rate, but I also charge a $500 asshole tax for fucking up my flow and making my job fifty million times harder.
Kink sessions require so much attention to detail and planning in order for both parties to stay safe and have a fun time. It's not possible to get into that when we're in the middle of a session.
Please schedule a consultation with me if you have questions regarding nonstandard vanilla play. As I previously discussed, time wasters love to ask providers if they do x, y, or z but have no intention of booking a session so I don't discuss kinks with guys who haven't paid for a consultation.
Additionally, once an admirer has set up a kink session, I send them my kink questionnaire. Sometimes guys give me vague or short answers, which means they're going to get the vague, short version of me. Providers aren't mind readers. Tell me, in detail, what you want from me so we can have fun together and I know what role I'm playing.
What do I mean when referring to "nonstandard" play that clients should notify providers of before a session? Nonstandard play is, in my book, anything outside of vanilla FS. Gr**k, for example, is nonstandard. (The admirers who ask for Gr**k during an actual session clearly know nothing about how the human body works.)
Immediately Hand Providers Our Damn Money
Don't make me ask for it. That can be awkward.
Admirers don't have to put my consideration in an envelope but it is a nice touch. Very classy. I save every envelope my admirers give me in order to use them (especially licked envelopes) to cast magical spells upon mankind.
Keep that in mind: You can never escape the power of my seductive touch.
Did you gain a new perspective or two after reading this article? Did my use of the phrase "stinky doo doo butt" make you lol? I love connecting with you in this way. Providing free mothering services to lost boys is my duty as a God fearing Christian woman. A sweet gift card always brightens my day and let's me know that you value my work.
A part two to this article could be written because there's so much more to say! Please don't think I've covered everything here.
