I Want You To Convince Me To Pay You For S*x: Thin-Slicing, Intuition and SW

Did you know that you're not good enough? I think the literal years you've spent learning how to work social media, studying marketing, writing blogs, posting on socials, filming videos, planning and executing photoshoots, and the years of work you've put into yourself/your persona to show up in a more effective and loving way simply aren't good enough.

That's what this man was telling me when he sent me this innocuous looking email. Only an experienced provider would be able to "thin-slice" an email or booking form of this variety and immediately comprehend what exactly this person was saying without saying it. Of course, there are micro-cues within language, context, grammar and slang that could be explained logically to anyone but there's also an art, an intuition, a reading of energy that goes into all forms of human interaction and business.

"Thin-slicing" refers to the process of making very quick inferences about the state, characteristics or details of an individual or situation with minimal amounts of information and is described in-depth via the book Blink by Malcom Gladwell. How are some art experts able to immediately tell if a sculpture is a replica while others have to examine the art in great detail? Malcom's book details the inexplicable snap judgements we make, often based on emotion, and how they are oftentimes more effective than judgements based on long, drawn out analysis.

This person is full of shit and was essentially telling me, "I don't know if I want to set up an appointment. Convince me that you're good enough." However, most outsiders or newer providers reading this email would possibly think, "Seems real? IDK."

Some people would claim that part of what providers are doing when thin-slicing emails is using our internal computer to analyze all of the emails we've received in the past and are then comparing them to the one sitting in front of our face. We learn to unconsciously pickup on patterns. For example, this man starts out his email by telling me he's "totally new to this world," a sign he's 99% likely to be a Fantasy Booker. I don't know why guys who tell me they're "new" rarely book, because every real client was once "new," but it's a thing.

Shit or get off my butt-warming pot. Pssshhh, that's me spraying you with my bidet.

Guys who claim they want to "explore" never actually do. Either shit or get off my gilded, heated, toasty, butt-warming pot. I will use my fancy bidet to spigot you off my ass like a the turd crumb you are.

Explore? Do you contact your hairdresser and tell them you're interested in "exploring" a haircut? What does that even mean?

We explore in session after you've shown me that you value me enough to send your deposit, screen and book a date. We explore after you've shown me that you care by sending me a gift from my Luxylist, a lil Bitcoin or even a $50 gift card.

Another clue was revealed when he began our interaction by droning on about himself for a paragraph, using femme, flowery language to say nothing at all that would allow me to schedule a session with him. He didn't tell me what days he'll be available or at what time. There's no mention regarding the type of session he's seeking. He doesn't mention whether he wants a two hour, a three hour or an overnight meeting. People who are serious about meeting mention when they want to meet, in my not-so-humble experience.

The narcissism expressed by this man's obsession with himself via the first paragraph conveyed to me that he wanted to talk about himself and his "relationship to (his) body...to pleasure..." but this wasn't a conscious thought I was having. I didn't say to myself, "He's writing multiple sentences about himself so he's not going to book."

It was a split second decision, a feeling automatically conveyed via his communication. Many guys do talk about themselves and become great friends and benefactors but, generally, they don't begin their email with a lot of vague and vapid information about themselves. If they're serious, they may tell me about their business, their hobbies, and how they're "fit, 51, white, male."

Narcissus

That's another micro-cue: Men who want to book me talk a little bit about me. Considering I've spent years of my life producing content online, there's a lot of me out there for one to comment on. There's far more of me out there compared to other providers who don't feel called to overshare and write juicy blogs. I put immense pressure on myself to blog and/or post new video/photo every day, something generally only content creators do. If a guy is actually serious about seeing me and not one of the five billion trillion other providers that have flooded the business within the past five to ten years, he'll tell me why instead of telling me all about himself.

Anyone who's actually paying attention can tell that I live in NYC while this guy asks me if I'm located here. Like, dude, it's literally in my Bluesky/Twitter name, mentioned on my Tryst, website and blog repeatedly. When inquirers ask us very obvious questions about our location or other logistical information that is listed clearly, there's a high likelihood that they are Fantasy Booking and wasting our time.

Many providers would ignore someone who refused to provide pertinent information needed to set up an appointment like appointment day, time, and length. Providers ignore folks who don't provide screening information. We're contacted by tons of trolls and Time Wasters daily so preserve our energy for people who respect us.

I should have ignored him and listened to my gut but I instead responded politely and answered his questions:

But that wasn't good enough for our entitled Little Sir.

He responded by negging me, refusing to provide the information I needed from him and telling me how I should be working for him for free:

I'm going to be too honest here and explain why this triggers me so much: He's just like my mother. 😂

Oooo, the passive aggression is off the charts. If you actually want to see me, you tell me when just like how you tell a hairdresser or other service professional when you want to set up an appointment. He refuses to provide this information just like a withholding mother who's saying, "Prove your worth to me, child. The years of toiling to be perfect, photoshoots, writing, and improving yourself still aren't good enough. I want something from you, but I won't tell what what it is that I want because I myself don't know. I don't love myself, therefore I can never fully accept you."

I have a Daddy kink in that I love strong, kind, forward men who know what they want and get the ick when men behave like my mother, passive aggressively speaking out of both sides of their mouth in order to look nice on paper while actually harming those around them.

(Am I overanalyzing this and reading far, far into it? Yes.)

I don't expect anyone to read the eight paragraph diatribe I wrote in response to this person while on a flight home from a very successful Pittsburgh tour. Think of it as a temporary lapse of sanity. A break with reality. It felt good but was an utter waste of time. And yet, I don't regret it. (I'll attach the entire reproof at the end of the blog for the curious.)

On the surface, this inquirer may have seemed well spoken. I see how he could have fooled and distracted those who aren't experienced. The ability to "thin-slice"/read energy is one that must be honed and developed over time but anyone who stays in the business for five years or more is naturally skilled at reading people/energy. This is risky business, despite the Twitter NPC's glamorizing it and pretending it's not, and those of us who survive are literal superheroes with a 6th Sense for intuitively understanding people and what messages they're conveying beneath a glossy exterior.

That said, some SWers are genuinely lacking in intuition and discernment and believe anything they read online, especially if it's posted by another SW. I've watched for years as the worst bullies and predators garner larger followings because their life's focus is playing the victim and mining attention online so I can't say that all SWers are intuitive when it comes to all areas of life. But they are intuitive when it comes to men, generally speaking.

Don't forget to hit like on my Bluesky post promoting this blog and repost it for your friends and family to enjoy this holiday season.

If you'd like to read my 20 paragraph response, here she is:

(I see this type of passive aggressive behavior as far worse than actual body shaming or shit talking. It's easy to dismiss and forget about someone who's obviously an asshole but those who hide their assholery trigger me. Additionally, this guy represented allll the Time Wasters of Days Past. It builds, and builds, and builds until I have to spigot all over his face and become his Mommy. Talking to admirers I've met IRL and have a bond with is rewarding. Time Wasters aren't.)